Buckeye Bob

Gumpy had a number of colorful friends over the years.  He had a knack for making friends quickly that he  honed as a kid.  It was an ability that never left him, although sometimes the choices in friends did cause some consternation within the family.  His mother always seemed to be particularly concerned, although he never hung out with a dangerous crowd.  Gumpy's friends just tended to be mischievous.

One such friend was Buckeye Bob.  They met when my grandparents decided to start spending winters in Port Charlotte, FL after retirement.  The park Ema and Gumpy found was a little isolated, sandwiched between  Port Charlotte to the east and Englewood to the west.  It reminded them a little of Vermontville with little traffic, a relatively short drive to shopping and at least a two hour drive to a major metropolitan center.  It was also filled with Midwesterners.

Bob and Gumpy hit it off immediately because they had Toledo in common.  Bob lived in the Toledo suburb of Sylvania for most of his life.  Gumpy's home town of Waldron was only an hour away, so they both had many memories of Toledo to share.  They were also both consumate bullshitters.

After Ema and Gumpy's first few winters in Port Charlotte, Buckeye Bob's wife passed away.  After what he felt was an appropriate time, he started dating again.  Which brings me to my favorite Buckeye Bob story, one that will make Ema blanch with embarrassment when she realizes I've told the story.

Every few years my grandparents would pay for me to come visit them for a week in Port Charlotte, which is how I came to know many of their friends.  As was our custom, Gumpy and I would get out for at least one round of golf at a local links when I visited.  We usually ended up with a few foursomes of friends in tow, all eager to have someone's grandson in town to have a beer or two with.  On the way back from playing at a local par 3, Buckeye Bob began spinning tales.

It seems that Buckeye Bob got a little sweet on a clerk at the 7-11 store back in Toledo and decided to finally ask her out on a date.  To his delight, she accepted.  He picked her up, took her out to dinner and they had a fantastic time.  This is the part in my humble story where I would like to point out that Buckeye Bob was quite unhealthy himself.  He was quite undertall for his weight, loved to drink, ate whatever he could and had a bad ticker.  His wife normally kept those things in check but left to his own devises, Buckeye Bob's health became a little more tenuous.  

Now this date of Buckeye Bob's was a pretty young thing, at least in her mid-60's.  Dinner went swimmingly.  Both of them unattached and they ended up  doing the unthinkable.  They went back to Buckeye Bob's for a nightcap.  Things progressed well when they got back to his house, so well that Buckeye Bob excused himself to the bathroom for a little self pep talk.

In the pre-Viagra world, your options for making sure you would be up for the job of impressing your newfound girlfriend were limited to either still having the ability to do so or prayer.  Buckeye Bob decided a threat to himself might work a little better.

"So I got in the bathroom, opened up my shorts and said, 'Look.  You had better work or I'll shoot you.'  Needless to say, I pee a little funny now!" Buckeye Bob exclaimed.  

Buckeye Bob passed away soon after that visit.  Even in death, he managed to regularly entertain Gumpy and I.  We both missed him.