Golfing with Gumpy on Father's Day

My favorite memory of Gumpy on Father's Day was the year my grandparents took us to Idaho to visit my Uncle Jim and his family.  It had been only a few weeks since my dad declared that he wasn't going to be living with us any longer, which was the beginning of my tumultuous teenage existence.  I was angry, confused, hurt and generally unpleasant at best to deal with.

We arrived in Lewiston a few days before Father's Day with the fifth-wheel in tow, which gave us plenty of room for two sets of golf clubs, mine and Gumpy's.  I am not sure of the exact sequence of events, but somehow we decided to play in a father-son golf tournament at Bryden Canyon Golf Course.  The course was on top of a bluff overlooking the subdivision Jim lived in, which was the most remarkable thing about the course.  It played fairly easily with little water to contend with, which was well suited to my game.

It was overcast and occasionally drizzly the day of the tournament, which I suppose is a rarity given that the course still boasts it only receives nine inches of rain each year.  Jim teamed up with his step-son Reid and Gumpy teamed up with me.  Since Gumpy nor I knew our handicap, that was determined by the score of our first two holes.  Luckily, those happened to be my worst two holes of the day.  

The format of the tournament had the "father-son" combination rotate shots, so I would take every other shot regardless of how well I was playing.  I remember stroking a few worm-burners (the term Gumpy preferred for shots that never made it off the ground) and missing a few easy putts those first two holes.  Gumpy played his steady, straight as a string game.  He never hit the ball hard but usually struck the ball pretty straight which helped him keep his scores reasonably low.  We ended up having a pretty decent score, good enough to avoid humiliation.

We usually walked the golf course, so this tournament was a bit of a treat for me because we rented a cart to ride in.  This was also the first time I was allowed to drive a golf cart, so Gumpy spent the entire day coaching me on how to accelerate and stop properly.  We avoided mud puddles and he was very adamant about me not spinning the wheels in the mud.  The only reason I remember that is he watched Reid do it and knew I probably wanted to follow his path, so he put the kibosh on me pretty quickly. 

On the surface, this memory seems pretty unremarkable and I really do not want to give it weight than it deserves.  Gumpy and I played hundreds of rounds of golf together, this certainly was not our first nor our last.  We had already signed the best buddy contract and I was just beginning to understand that my dad wasn't coming home.  

What makes it remarkable to me is that this is the first Father's Day I didn't spend with my dad and Gumpy just stepped in.  There were no grand speeches, no proclamations, just his calming presence that I came to rely on.  This is my second Father's Day without him, I have no idea how I would have gotten here without his presence.  Thanks Gump, I miss you.  

Career Advice

The first time I was unemployed, Gumpy advised me to go right down to General Motors headquarters and apply for a job because they are always hiring college educated people.  Mind you, this was in 1999 where only an advanced degree in engineering or business would get you in the door.  My degree in Political Science just did not seem to prepare me for anything.  He was pretty insistent on this, which perplexed me until I realized that when he was my age, his advise would have been very accurate.

Although his answer to my dilemma seemed out of touch, his intent was pure.  He just wanted to see me succeed in whatever I chose to do with my career.  In fact, he wanted that for all of his kids and grandkids.  That is why he was so insistent on me learning to play golf.  When he was the General Secretary Treasurer for the Brotherhood of Railway, Airline and Steamship Clerks; this is how he saw business executives get ahead and he wanted to give me the best opportunity.  In the economy we now face, this piece of advise seems a bit dated too.

What he did not realize was that he had been teaching me all along one of the most important tools for succeeding in life.  Getting along with all types of people from all types of backgrounds was a strength of his.  He excelled at making the people he talked with feel like they were the most important person in the room.  It was this advise, received because of his unconscious competence in this area, that I heard loud and clear.  I have tried to emulate his success and it has served me very well.

I think the best example of his ability came after his memorial service.  A few weeks after the service, Ema started giving his clothing away.  His fight with cancer had been an ugly three year ordeal and I am sure she wanted to distance herself from the ugliness as quickly as possible.  After the family had the opportunity to take a few articles of clothing we selected, she started giving things to friends of his around Vermontville.

One gentleman in particular was very grateful.  He is a very proud man, worked very hard and lived a rather hard life.  He did not have a good relationship with his kids.  His wife was not doing well in her fight with cancer either.  Yet, he showed an uncharacteristic amount of generosity toward my grandparents.  Especially after Gumpy's cancer diagnosis.

Ema decided to take a few of Gumpy's neckties to him even though she was not sure if he would ever wear one.  He became pretty emotional while she was there and talked for quite a while about Gumpy.  It seems that he never felt like many people in town really liked him but Gumpy always had time to talk with him.  Gumpy made him feel important, so he felt like he needed to help when the chips were down for Gumpy.  He was truly grateful for Ema's gesture and grateful for Gumpy's friendship.

I titled this post career advise because all the advise Gumpy gave me for my career were usually a generation or two old for the job marketplace I was facing.  The advise he gave unconsciously through his actions spoke the loudest and has been the key to the modicum of success I have achieved.

Buckeye Bob

Gumpy had a number of colorful friends over the years.  He had a knack for making friends quickly that he  honed as a kid.  It was an ability that never left him, although sometimes the choices in friends did cause some consternation within the family.  His mother always seemed to be particularly concerned, although he never hung out with a dangerous crowd.  Gumpy's friends just tended to be mischievous.

One such friend was Buckeye Bob.  They met when my grandparents decided to start spending winters in Port Charlotte, FL after retirement.  The park Ema and Gumpy found was a little isolated, sandwiched between  Port Charlotte to the east and Englewood to the west.  It reminded them a little of Vermontville with little traffic, a relatively short drive to shopping and at least a two hour drive to a major metropolitan center.  It was also filled with Midwesterners.

Bob and Gumpy hit it off immediately because they had Toledo in common.  Bob lived in the Toledo suburb of Sylvania for most of his life.  Gumpy's home town of Waldron was only an hour away, so they both had many memories of Toledo to share.  They were also both consumate bullshitters.

After Ema and Gumpy's first few winters in Port Charlotte, Buckeye Bob's wife passed away.  After what he felt was an appropriate time, he started dating again.  Which brings me to my favorite Buckeye Bob story, one that will make Ema blanch with embarrassment when she realizes I've told the story.

Every few years my grandparents would pay for me to come visit them for a week in Port Charlotte, which is how I came to know many of their friends.  As was our custom, Gumpy and I would get out for at least one round of golf at a local links when I visited.  We usually ended up with a few foursomes of friends in tow, all eager to have someone's grandson in town to have a beer or two with.  On the way back from playing at a local par 3, Buckeye Bob began spinning tales.

It seems that Buckeye Bob got a little sweet on a clerk at the 7-11 store back in Toledo and decided to finally ask her out on a date.  To his delight, she accepted.  He picked her up, took her out to dinner and they had a fantastic time.  This is the part in my humble story where I would like to point out that Buckeye Bob was quite unhealthy himself.  He was quite undertall for his weight, loved to drink, ate whatever he could and had a bad ticker.  His wife normally kept those things in check but left to his own devises, Buckeye Bob's health became a little more tenuous.  

Now this date of Buckeye Bob's was a pretty young thing, at least in her mid-60's.  Dinner went swimmingly.  Both of them unattached and they ended up  doing the unthinkable.  They went back to Buckeye Bob's for a nightcap.  Things progressed well when they got back to his house, so well that Buckeye Bob excused himself to the bathroom for a little self pep talk.

In the pre-Viagra world, your options for making sure you would be up for the job of impressing your newfound girlfriend were limited to either still having the ability to do so or prayer.  Buckeye Bob decided a threat to himself might work a little better.

"So I got in the bathroom, opened up my shorts and said, 'Look.  You had better work or I'll shoot you.'  Needless to say, I pee a little funny now!" Buckeye Bob exclaimed.  

Buckeye Bob passed away soon after that visit.  Even in death, he managed to regularly entertain Gumpy and I.  We both missed him.

Close friends

Gump had a ton of aquaintences.  For that matter, both of my grandparents seemed to know someone everywhere they went.  You could be in a Publix in Port Charlotte, Fl with them and someone my grandmother taught in high school 30 years ago would stop her to chat.  Gump and I were walking Warwick Hills during the Buick Open and someone from the Grand Trunk Railroad stopped us to chat.  He remembered Gump from his early days in the union.

I say acquaintences for a reason.  While he knew a ton of people, he kept just a few very close friends.  Growing up there was Leonard Lester Peck, who will always have a place in our family history from the legondary stories Gump use to tell about Leonard.  Those stories often involved Harold "Tink" Farnum, his cousin and life-long friend.  When I was a kid, his best friend was Kenyon Peabody.  I remember Kenyon well, mostly for teaching me a the little diddy;

I went up on the stage,
My heart when pitter-pat,
When someone in the crowd yelled,
HEY, 
That's Lingholm's little brat!


Without realizing it, I became one of his best friends too.  There is no seminal moment I can point back to as the moment I realized my grandfather and I were best friends.  It just happened.  One of Dale Carnegie's timeless principle is giving someone a good reputation to live up to.  Gump gave me the title Best Buddy and Number One Farm Hand when I was a surley teenager and I finally began living into that title.

While having coffee this week with a good friend, I realized just how much Gump impacted the way I view friends.  He was always genial with everyone and really enjoyed the company of several different people, as do I.  There was an inner circle of friends, people he trusted without many questions.  People who's counsel he would accept and appreciate.  People you could admire.  I find myself doing the same thing.


He was the best friend a guy could have and I am proud to have been in his company.