An Open Letter to Gumpy

Dear Gumpy,

It's been almost a year since you passed away.  Life is so much different without you.  Of all the things I miss, it's being able to pick up the phone and hear you tell me you are proud of me I miss the most.  You always seemed to know when I needed to hear you say that.  There have been so many days lately that I've wished I could just call and hear you on the other end of the line.  I get through by reminding myself that I have big shoes to fill for our family now that you're gone, and you would want me to stop crying in my beer.  You would probably tell me to stop acting like a suckling if you saw my tears as I'm writing this.

Yesterday was Mothers Day.  I think you would have been thrilled by the day.  Ema loved the new place that Gladys and I are living in now.  She liked it so much she started joking with us about making a place for her to stay.  While she thinks I am just being polite by saying this, I hope you know that she will always be welcome in my home.  Gladys is very supportive of this too.  All Ema needs to do is ask.  I know you wanted me to live at the farm to take care of her, but I hope you understand that my heart is in Detroit.  So even if she doesn't stay with us much, I will always watch out for your Chickadee.

As a family, we have tried to make sure she wasn't alone during the big holidays.  Gladys and I were in Tampa for Thanksgiving, so she had dinner with us at Gladys' mothers house.  Mary made sure Ema was home for Christmas.  Jim and Char visited her right around your birthday.  Mom and Rebekah took her on a cruise.  She really did not have too much time to sit and mope.

You wanted me to make sure my Mom and Rebekah are taken care of too.  Just so you know, I try but there is no taking care of Rebekah.  She takes care of herself and will tell you how you can help.  So I do when she lets me.  On the flip side, Mom has enjoyed our new apartment.  She's been over almost every weekend for something, usually with Haithem.  It reminds me a lot of Sunday nights at the farm, watching 60 Minutes, playing cards and eating popcorn.  Mom even calls when she gets home, the same way Mary would call when she made it back to Lansing.

By the way, I wish you were healthier when you met Haithem  He's kind, patient, an excellent carpenter and very intelligent.  Just who Mom deserves.

I'm not sure if you heard, but Gladys and I did get married.  She's the right girl for me.  I knew it when I met her and I think you knew it when you met her too.  August 7 will be our first anniversary and I couldn't be happier.  Hell, we went to a Toledo Mud Hens game the night we got married!  If that doesn't speak to how well she fits in, I don't know what would!  Ema gave me your wedding band.  I was honored that she let me have it because it gives me a symbol of your marriage and the sacrifices you both made to stay together for 58 years.

Of those promises I made to you, I work all the time to try taking care of the ladies in the family with varying degrees of success.  I'm sure you understand.  You left me with a hard-headed lot.  The keeping the rest of the family together is a little tougher.  It has been great to get the occasional message from Frank Walter.  The rest of us keep up by phone calls, Facebook (I know, you still don't get it) and from this journal I'm keeping of memories I have of you.  We all needed time to grieve and figure out how to live without you Old Boy.

That has been the toughest part.  We all knew you would not be here forever.  There is just no good way to prepare.  I keep trying to keep you alive in my heart by acting a little more like you.  I walk into the kitchen in the farm and declare, "A little faster if you can stand it," just like you did.  I'll cross my arms and pat my forearm the way you would in the middle of a conversation.  I love our family enough to do things that hurt me greatly to try keeping them safe, just like you did for me.  I'm still working on the patience and tact you practiced with me.  Someday I'll be good at it too.

We will make it.  Sometimes that doesn't seem as obvious as other, but I know we will be alright.  You left each of us with great memories and a fine example to live up to.  You left us all well prepared.  I love you, miss you and happy for you that you were finally able to make it home, where you deserve to be.

Love,

David

  

Meeting Gladys

Gumpy was spending a few days at my Mom's while Ema was taking a much deserved weekend off.  It was about 17 months into his treatment for pancreatic cancer, so he was fairly weak and unable to do too much without assistance.  Since I had a flexible schedule, I decided to take a few hours off and get the old boy out of the apartment while Mom was at work.

We decided that going to the Original Pancake House for some fresh buckwheat pancakes and a cup of black coffee sounded like the ideal afternoon, so Gumpy hopped in the shower to get ready.  This tended to be a laborious chore since he was unsteady but he seemed to have a lot more energy than usual, so I just sat outside the door to make sure I was close if he fell.

Our late lunch was delicious as usual.  One topic of conversation was about this new woman I was dating.  He asked a few questions about her and I asked if he was feeling up to meeting her.  When he said sure, I was pretty excited.  After my divorce, I dated a little and no other woman met my grandparents because I just did not feel introductions were necessary.

We had only been dating a month and I knew there was something special about Gladys.  She is the most intelligent woman I had ever dated.  She was (and still is) well read, modest, well spoken, polite, beautiful and understood just how important Gumpy was in my life.  She had taken care of her mother before moving to Detroit for grad school, so she could relate to the way I felt about Gumpy's health.

When we got to the Starbucks, Gumpy was already a little tired.  The chemotherapy treatments really wore him down but he was determined to meet Gladys.  He was also not one for coffee shops, his idea of the perfect place for a cup of coffee was at Ken's Standard Station in Vermontville because the coffee was cheap and the conversation was decent.  I truly expected to just stay a few minutes, especially considering how busy and loud the place was that day.

What I witnessed was my grandfather giving a great performance.  He  worked hard to be entertaining.  He flirted a little, he complemented when appropriate and told a few good stories without hesitation.  He was completely himself despite being out of his element.

An hour later, we got back in the car and headed to Farmington Hills.  Gumpy was exhausted.  When I stated that we could have left earlier and he didn't have to work so hard, he said that he knew Gladys was special to me and he just wanted to help me.  I am still grateful he just wanted to help me!